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we're on a break

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we're on a break

Postby MonteLDS on Tue Feb 03, 2004 1:23 pm

Thanks again for those who tolerate these post of mines

yes you heard it first here. from me.

Jennifer and I are on a break. currently we are both unhappy for other reasons. As i see it and understand it

I am unhappy because I have felt as though she has put up "walls" that have kind of shy me away, and makes it harder to talk to her. As well as I just want to marry her and she is not ready.

She is unhappy because she doesn't know what to do. She doesn't feel right about marriage nor does she feel ready. She doesn't want to break up because she knows that I will be gone for good, and so would our friendship. She does care about me, and i am a very sepcial friend, but that is about it.

If you asked why I would be gone for good, it is because breaking up would just tell me that this relationship is at the end. And to stick around would just make me unhappy because i want a relationship and i think she just wants friendship w/ the possiblity of..

Either way a 12 day break. On the the 14th we will get back together and see how each other are doing. See how we feel and what not. She is not going call me nor will I call her. It is a complete cold see ya later.

I alreay miss her. but that is okay.
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Postby JamieW on Tue Feb 03, 2004 2:27 pm

Dude, with this much drama, you aren't ready for an involved monogamous relationship, let alone marriage. How old are you? If you are under 20, chill out. Seriously, date and date a lot. Date every chick that you find interesting or attractive. Just date date date date date. If you find out you don't like them, move on. Date two or three at a time (but never lie to them about only dating them). Date until you are sick of dating and then take up a hobby like corn holing. Then start dating again.

Relationships are full of enough drama as it is. If the people involved are actively creating more drama, it is a sure sign that you are looking at a Days of Our Lives episode every day. I've been in relationships like that. At the time you think it is worthwhile and you are going to work past it. It isn't worthwhile and you never do. You are all mixed up in emotion which is amplified by the drama of the situation and you neither think nor feel clearly. When you have a relationship that requires little effort to maintain you can then put that effort into just making each other's lives better. It is kind of like a car. You can get a car that requires $500 a month just to keep running, or you can go ahead and get a new car for like $200 a month that runs with no extra maintenance and you can sink that extra $300 into performance mods.

If all else fails, do what I do when women get out of line. I stand up, drop trow, and smack them on their head with my ding dong.
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Postby UALOneKPlus on Tue Feb 03, 2004 2:37 pm

LOL I agree with JamieW's reply.

Go check out the other fish in the sea, especially since you mentioned that Jennifer doesn't want to be exclusive at this point.

Go date as many other girls as possible (but hold off on anything serious at this point). Then decide if Jennifer is still what you want.

This will also help you not miss her as much. Your life is still young, enjoy it as much as possible.

Believe me, once you marry and have kids, you'll never be able to date and do this stuff again. :wink:
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Postby TheWizard on Tue Feb 03, 2004 2:56 pm

Are you on a break like Ross and Rachel from Friends?
No, I like women.
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Postby MonteLDS on Tue Feb 03, 2004 3:28 pm

i hate to date. i don't date cause it is to costly and no one sparks even the smallest intrest to me, except for Jennifer. She lives to far away to be just friends.

i'm 22 if you were wondering.
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Postby UALOneKPlus on Tue Feb 03, 2004 3:45 pm

Dating doesn't have to be expensive. It can be going to the movies, grabbing a bite at the local tacoria, hanging out at the beach, etc.

In fact, the more creative (and inexpensive) the date, the better.

Sounds like you're very much in love & focused on Jennifer. That's a good and a bad thing.

You need to be able to look at other girls and be able to see the attraction in them. You're in that stage of love where you're totally infatuated with Jennifer. Trust me, that won't last forever, even if you marry Jennifer. By finding interesting in other girls, you can move beyond the infatuation stage and find more mature love. That will then tell your heart if Jennifer really is the one for you.
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Postby MonteLDS on Tue Feb 03, 2004 4:07 pm

i guess the problem to me is if she first sees that i am the one for her, something i can't seem to influence. this will be all her. I don't think we will last sometimes. but we will see, it is only 12 days
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Postby Ian on Tue Feb 03, 2004 4:09 pm

This is one case where you need to listen to JamieW. He knows what he's talking about. Not to mention, you could make a movie out of some of the stuff he's gone through in his current relationship. :wink:
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Postby UALOneKPlus on Tue Feb 03, 2004 4:23 pm

I really enjoy MonteLD's postings here. They remind me of what I went through when I was in love for the first time. Ultimately it didn't work out, and it really opened my eyes to the possibilities of life.

I kind'a wish I had a resource like this when I was dating. Hope it works out bud.
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Postby JamieW on Tue Feb 03, 2004 5:26 pm

Monte, not trying to trivialize your current thing, but it sounds an awful lot like this is your first relationship. This happens a lot, nearly happened to me. Fortunately she ended up giving a Monica to a friend in the bathroom the first night we were "on a break." Yes, that was luck, and not just for my friend. Without that experience, I wouldn't have had the appropriate anger to move on so quickly. Without moving on so quickly, I wouldn't have realized why I was "in love."

I wasn't in love with that girl. I was in love with being in a relationship and getting some play. And this is something you may need to consider. Heck, just two years ago I saw a wedding for all the wrong reasons. No, Ian, not yours. I often reference your marriage and wedding as how to do things right. But this other friend of mine was goofy. Ian is goofy, too, but this guy took goofy to a whole new level. Like if goofy was money, Ian would be like a member of the Hilton family. This guy was Bill Gates. But he was a man with a plan. His plan? Get a girlfriend by the end of the year. And by God he did get that girlfriend. And he did marry that girlfriend making her his wife. And she was one of the foulest, most crass, berating individuals I ever had the pleasure of disliking. Oh, and she was a foul beast, too. I still refer to her as "water buffalo."

But Bill got some play, he had a relationship. He was freaking miserable, but he had nothing else to compare it to. But he knew he was in a relationship and he liked that he was in a relationship. Didn't really like his relationship, but now he could go out with people in even numbers. He knew he was getting play, and that is what he is supposed to get so he liked that, too.

So you need to consider, and I am not suggesting that you were dating a nasty water buffalo like Buffalo Bill was, that perhaps what you are enamored with is being in a relationship or with any amount of physical contact you are getting.

Now consider rethinking your thoughts on dating. I've done my fair share of dating. Not all of it was for the purpose of getting into a relationship. Some of it was exploratory, some just for company, others just to go out and have some fun. The end result though seems to be similar to your goals. I ended up dating someone who made me consider hanging out with anyone else to be a waste of time that I could have spent with her.
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Postby Ian on Tue Feb 03, 2004 6:13 pm

JamieW wrote:Ian is goofy, too, but this guy took goofy to a whole new level. Like if goofy was money, Ian would be like a member of the Hilton family.


lol!
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Postby MonteLDS on Tue Feb 03, 2004 6:49 pm

i guess our break is postponed :lol:

we are getting together on thursday
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Postby aviationwiz on Tue Feb 03, 2004 9:08 pm

MonteLDS wrote:i guess our break is postponed :lol:

we are getting together on thursday


Well, that lasted about, oh, FIVE HOURS!
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Postby MonteLDS on Tue Feb 03, 2004 9:09 pm

it lasted 12 hours :P
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Postby JamieW on Tue Feb 03, 2004 9:52 pm

Man, I'm going back to making fun of you and aviationwiz.
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Postby UALOneKPlus on Tue Feb 03, 2004 10:00 pm

JamieW wrote:Man, I'm going back to making fun of you and aviationwiz.


LOL - interesting user title changes ;)
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Postby MonteLDS on Wed Feb 04, 2004 3:07 pm

it is a long complex story.. but whatever, things will work out how ever they work out. no need to worry about the milk that is spilled, their more at the store. But man do i hate going to the store...
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Postby VEFF on Wed Feb 04, 2004 6:01 pm

I agree with much of what is said above by the other members.

My girlfriend and I went through a rough period recently, and, for the most part, things are much better now.
In your case, it seems, based on your previous threads as well, that Jennifer isn't ready to commit to either a relationship or marriage, at this point that is.

Ultimately only you (and Jennifer, of course) can decide what is the right decision for (both of) you, but I would listen to, not necessarily act on, the advice being given.
This will at least give you another (external) perspective, which might open your eyes to things you hadn't thought of or seen in your relationship.

Always (while you are together I mean) keep the lines of communication between the two of you active!

:)
Relationships are often tricky, but if they are meant to be, one will usually find out in due time.

No matter what happens, I wish you both the best of luck!
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