Well, I went to the funeral home Friday. I didnt have the money to have her embalmbed before the creamation but I wanted to see her one last time. So I convinced them to let me see her untouched. Her face was half gone and the back of her head was gone. And to top it all off I have her mother raising all hell with me now nonstop. Her mother wants me to shave her head and give her her hair. WTF?? Kristys last wishes were to keep her mom away after she died as she hated her mom more than anyone else and I understand why. He r mom abandoned hert years ago. Her ,mom is a doctor too go figure. She never helped her out when she needed ti most. She told me when she was dead keep mom away as she didnt love me when I was alive so she shouldnt love me when I am dead. This is my own little hell. I a,m looking at the bloodstain on the floor as I type this and the bullet hole ruight above me. I wish her mom would just let her lay. Kristy wanted to be burried with her dad in West Virgina. She owned almost 4,000 acres there passed down from her family. The have a family raveyard there. I am going to ride my cycle out theere with her dads friends and bury her ashes with her dad. I cant even ,move anything in the house that she put there as it feels so wrong. I havent eaten since this happeneed. I haved been drinking excessivley only. I miss her so bad. I keep getting nightmares everytime I pass out. I am now smoking cigarettes nad drinking over 30 cans of beer a day plus some whiskey. This is just as bad as it gets . I have been off work for a few weeks as I just had surgery on my knee from getting hurt on the semi docks. She missed her babys sooo much. I didnt realize it till later that night that she shiot herself on her babys birthday. Tyler. I have a picture of me holding him. It the onlt picture I jhave.
I wish she would have shot me instead. I am having a helluva time dealing ith this. I miss her soo bad. I cant quit seeing the last images in my head. I cant even do laundry yet. Her cothes are in the dryer and I cant gt them out. Anyays thanks for listening it helps me vent a little b etter. Sorry for any typo errors I am exctremely drunk with doublq vission.